Death March Debutante! - FCN News Bulletin

Belle Starr: Today, I have a special news bulletin for you, my loyal viewers, about a special clan sponsored event called a Death March by those in the know! A multitude of ark hunters marched from Iron Demon Ranch to The Fork not to die, which you might think, but to kill every bad guy along the way! Amazing! Because FCN sees me as valuable an asset as I am beautiful *giggle*, they wouldn’t let me go, so we sent our intrepid teenage cub reporter to cover the event - because FCN thinks of her as expendable!

Lady Christianna: Hella.

Belle Starr: I understand that the Slade Clan sponsored this wonderful if deadly event and that Bossyblonde was in charge of it, with our friends at Trion Worlds, Incorporated, providing many of the prizes at the end of the trek! Is that right, Lady?

Lady Christianna: Correctomundo! Thought you were the bossy blond.

Belle Starr: How many – wait, huh? What did you say?

Lady Christianna: N-M.

Belle Starr: Hmmm! So the Death March was set to start in the afternoon and continue until completion, so how many people actually started the march at the Iron Demon Ranch and how many completed it at The Fork?

Lady Christianna: Lots started, fewer ended.

Belle Starr: Just the kind of precise reporting we expect from you Lady! I also understand that you had a Trion celebrity in your midst, know both nationally and internationally as Trion Kiwibird!

Lady Christianna: Awesome bird.

Belle Starr: I guess “Dev” means devilishly clever, for I see Kiwibird has disguised herself as an African American soldier among other African American male soldiers! Super disguise since I understood Kiwibird is a Castithan American female!

Lady Christianna: Fast bird too!

Belle Starr: I don’t see Kiwibird in that picture, but WOW, that’s a lot of purple dots on your EGO radar there! Looks like you lost her and are falling behind!

Lady Christianna (pouting): Short legs.

Belle Starr: Lady, please tell me you caught up with Kiwibird and got the interview!

Lady Christianna: Indeed.

Belle Starr: So how was Kiwibird Trion in person?

Lady Christianna: Sweeeeet!

Belle Starr: What did she say in your interview?

Lady Christianna (sweating): Kiwibird said that Trion was happy to provide in-player messaging for player-run events, wanted participating ark hunters to pm her with feedback on this event or ideas for other ones, and hoped there would be many more like this one. Whoosh! Too…many… words!

Belle Starr: WOW! Lady, you are getting to be quite the blabbermouth as you get older! What happened with Kiwibird next?

Lady Christianna (frowning): Blurred away.

Belle Starr: Any rules to the death March?

Lady Christianna: No vehicles, no teleportation.

Belle Starr: Makes sense since it is called a Death MARCH, not a Death Get-to-the-finish-line-anyway-you-darn-well-can! So the purpose of the Death March was to kill as many bad guys as you can! I bet you killed hundreds with that crime fighter of yours!

Lady Christianna (biting lower lip): Not really.

Belle Starr: Scores then!

Lady Christianna: Negative.

Belle Starr: A skitterling or two?

Lady Christianna (blushing with embarassment): No. Thought I saw a Volge Trooper. Mistaken.

Belle Starr: Okey dokey then! I understand the halfway rest stop was at the top of Topnotch Toolworks! Bet that was tiring!

Lady Christianna: Huff and puff.

Belle Starr: I see here that you guys were finally crossing the Golden Gate Bridge and into the San Francisco wasteland! Doesn’t seem to be as many ark hunters as there were at the beginning!

Lady Christianna: Ten little Indians.

Belle Starr: Umm… my producers are yelling at me saying Lady is being politically incorrect, for the proper term for Indians is Native Americans even in a Post-Apocalyptic world, so our lawyers are telling me to say... “We at FCN disavow and are not legally responsible for any political incorrect thing Lady has said in the past, says in the present, or might say in the future!”

Lady Christianna: Safe. I’m a minor.

Belle Starr: Lots of miners in the Bay Area with all that gulanite around, and mining isn’t safe at all! Anyway, I see that the Death March survivors gathered at The Fork to reap their just rewards! Where did they get all those fireworks?

Lady Christianna: Crimefighters, Bloodhounds, and Detonators.

Belle Starr: Well quite a sight! A big thanks to the Slade Clan in general and Bossyblonde in particular, and of course Kiwibird Trion, for sponsoring a terrific event! Tune in next bulletin for the promised expose on the dark truth of PVP in our beloved Bay Area! See you then Starr Gazers!

Lady Christianna: And Lady Lookers too!